Thursday, December 2, 2010


{Written November 19}

As an auditor for two years, I used the word fraud a lot. Right now, that's how I feel. I feel like a fraud. I just can't believe I am FINALLY pregnant!

Kelsey and I have gone baby shopping (just a little) and I feel like I'm pretending. It just seems like for so long I would happen to end up in the baby section and browse around telling myself "I'll look for Harrison," good and well knowing I was fantasizing for myself. So now, I REALLY get to go to the baby section and browse for my own future baby. It's crazy!

When will it feel real??? I went to get blood work yesterday. No appointment. Just blood work. Today I will get the results. I know my tests were positive at home but I have this paralyzing fear that the blood work will come back negative. I'm trying so hard to be positive but Negative Nancy and I have become good friends this past year. Maybe if when the results come back positive it will feel real???

I know I have to give my fears up to God and place them in His hands. But it's hard when you're a natural worry wart. Just getting to this point has grown my relationship with Him so much and I know the next 8 months will continue to grow me as well. I know until I have that precious, healthy baby in my arms I will be fearing the worst. So my newest commitment will be praying daily for God to take my fears and help me to trust fully in Him.


  1. It'll feel real when you hear the heartbeat....and then when the baby starts to look like a baby (and not a gummy bear/alien)....and even more so when you feel the baby move (best thing ever) and when you start to show (around 20 wks)! Prepare yourself, though - it's a very long 8 months!! It seems like it takes forever but then your baby will turn 8 or 9 months old and you'll feel like time flew by!! :)

  2. Each time I felt like a fraud. I guess it was when I was really showing (not just too big for regular clothes but too small for maternity stuff) and the baby was moving that it really began to feel real.

    Perfect love casts out fear.

    We're praying for you guys.