Monday, September 27, 2010

Losing Your Grip

During my journey of unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant, I have learned a lot, and I want to share one of the most valuable lessons I believe I have learned through all of this.

We all have things in our lives that are important, and rightfully so, but when does it cross the line of being an important thing that you hope for, to an "ultimate thing" you expect? I truly believe that we all have moments in our lives where we close our hand on something (whether it be a relationship, a career, or yes, having a baby) and we say "God, you are in control of EVERYTHING... except for this. This is mine and you can't have it. I don't want my life without it so I will make this happen with or without you." (Not that we consciously say this to God, but our actions speak louder to Him than our words.)

The catch here, I don't think many of us would ever realize that we have these "ultimate things" in our lives until they are taken away from us.

For me, I never would have considered my life long desire to be a mom a bad thing or something that hindered my relationship with God. I also never considered the thought that having a baby wouldn't come easily for me. So when the realization hit me that this could take a while and *deep breath* possible never happen I was devastated beyond devastated and, after moments of feeling like my entire life was pointless, I had the overwhelming revelation that having a baby was my ultimate thing. My hand was closed and this was a non-negotiable. I can honestly say that without having my dream of motherhood taken away (/postponed), I don't think I would have ever come to this realization. For that reason (along with this being part of God's plan for my life), I am thankful. I am thankful that God revealed to me in a painful but obviously needed way, that there was a problem in my relationship with Him.

While I now am aware of my personal struggle and ready and willing to face it head on, it is still a challenge. Praying once does not cut it. I have to pray everyday for God to help me to fully depend on Him and to let go of any control I thought I had.

I share this part of my soul with you because after a long conversation with one of my best friends, I realized just how relevant this can be to anyone who may be faced with losing an "ultimate thing" or to anyone who doesn't realize they have an "ultimate thing."

Lesson: If the idea of life without something/someone causes you to be unsure of how you could go on with your life, it is an "ultimate thing" and you are putting that thing before God.

Solution: Pray (continually) for your foundation to be on God and for Him to be the first priority in your life.

Remember: Our number one purpose in life is to bring glory to God. (1 Corinthians 10:31; Isaiah 43:7)


  1. I think we all struggle with “ultimate things.” Whether they are tangible, like a person or job or a house, or intangible, like safety, security or happiness, we all struggle on some level or another with keeping that open hand to God and resting in His peace. I think my biggest “ultimate thing” right now is security. I often find myself praising God and thanking Him and praying for the safety and health of my family and friends, and then when I get to the part about “but I pray for Your will to be done” I always have that anxious thought floating in the back of my mind to follow that says, “as long as Your will keeps my family and friends safe and healthy…” I struggle so much with fear and anxiety. It’s just sometimes hard to reconcile God’s sovereignty and perfect plan with what we long for in our heart. It can be difficult to focus on the “big picture” because we don’t know what that big picture looks like, and sometimes it’s hard to accept that we’re not meant to. But what we DO know is that the big picture is painted by the best artist of all and that His plan IS perfect, even when we don’t know what that plan is. We can find comfort in knowing that in our hard times, when things don’t go like we want, He is there to hold and comfort us, and teach us and grow our character along the way. Like you said, it’s a daily discipline to reach within our hearts and find that obedience to truly put God first and thank Him for everything; the good and the bad, the easy and the hard.

    Sorry for writing you a book!! I promise I didn’t mean to. :) I just really appreciate your transparency and I wanted to tell you that I totally relate to what you’re saying.

    I pray for you and Jeff every day. But you already knew that. :)

    Love your heart!


  2. Thanks Kels! I love your book post ;) (so true!) But even more I love YOU and YOUR heart and your friendship!

    xoxo back at cha!

  3. I love you my beautifulness! It's nice to have a wife who inspires me ;)

    And Amen Kelzzz!

  4. Just found your blog via Kelsey's! Glad to have found you to stay connected! Will add you to my blogroll! So happy to have new bloggy friends!

  5. Yay! I love having friends with blogs! Can't wait to read!!!