True Shock

{This post was written November 16}

Shock. That's what I feel right now. I know that you will be reading this at least a couple of weeks from now but I needed to document this moment. For the last week, I did the unthinkable. I got my hopes up. I didn't want to, but as much as I tried not to, it just happened. My boobs have been KILLING me and I've been cramping every night like clockwork. I've had nausea at night too but I always have nausea. (These were all my best friends first signs when she found out she was pregnant with both babies.) I just KNEW this felt different. But let's face it, this could also just mean I'm about to get my monthly visit.

I've been putting everything in God's hands and praying daily for HIS will regardless of what that means, but for the last week or so, I whole heartedy meant it and felt a complete trust in Him like never before. Today was day 29 of my cycle. I had convinced myself not to take a test until Saturday which would be day 33. But the symptoms were just eating away at me. I needed to know sooner. So that was that. I would take a test tomorrow, day 30 of my cycle. Reasonable.

I spent my second day as a domestic engineer with Kelsey. I've been excited to have more time to do more domestic things like cook and clean so I had a new recipe planned for dinner. Jeff and I went to get his haircut so by the time we got home, it was getting late, Jeff was starving and we were at each others throats. (To add to my symptoms, I've been a little hormonal and irritable this last week.) I had to pee so bad but I wanted to get dinner done. So once it was in the oven, I went to take care of business.

I'm not sure what possessed me. I hate peeing on a stick. (Considering I was 0 for 100 by now) But I ripped one open and went for it. I always just know it will be negative but still get my hopes up. This time was different. I really felt good about it. Normally I squint so hard trying to make sure there is no sign of a second pink line but there was no squinting. I watched as two faint pink lines began to appear and turn bold. I was shaking and crying hysterically in disbelief. My first thoughts were PRAISE JESUS!!! And trust me, I let Him know.

Now, Jeff had no idea I went to take a test. So how should I tell him? I composed myself, walked into the kitchen where he was standing at the counter on the computer. I starred at him for a moment and then set the test on the counter. I think he was shocked. We embraced. I was still in utter shock so I didn't know what to do. Jeff said he felt excitement and then an instant wave of fear. I thought that was so sweet and such a male reaction.

Who even cares about dinner now?!?! Who do we tell first? Do we tell them tonight? I had thought out so many creative ways to tell people but I just didn't care. We went over to Kelsey's first. Rick had class so he wasn't home yet. I decided not to call her first. I just knocked on her door and when she answered I just held up the test. She instantly started balling and, in Jeff's words, attacked me! We squeezed each other so tight. That was one of those moments where I felt so blessed for such an amazing friend. A friend that knew all that I had been through and was truly elated for me. (I love you Kels!!!)

After some crying, laughing, hugging, and googling pregnancy calendars, Jeff and I left for stop number 2, my parents house. I called to tell them to open the back door and when we walked in, I showed them the test. My mom didn't have her contacts in so she was confused at first! (Ha!) But once she realized we started hugging and crying. My dad and sis were also very happy for us. Next was Jeff's parent's house. Similar story, two wonderful parents very happy for us!

What a day. It still hasn't sunk in and I'm not sure when it will. I don't know what to think other than PRAISE GOD! He is amazing and His timing is perfect!

Well...

I don't really know how to say this. I want to say it gently but with excitement at the same time... Well, this says it all...

Jeff and I received this news Tuesday, November 16. We were completely shocked! (I started writing from the day we found out so I will post those drafts soon.) Today is exactly 6 weeks!

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for us! God truly does listen! Please continue to pray for us and jelly bean. After a year of not letting my hopes get up, it's hard to not think of the worst. Please pray for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby!

While I'm filled with excitement and elated to announce our news, I know I have followers out their that are waiting for their good news. I know that even when you are happy for someone else it can still sting. Know that even though I got my good news, I will always remember my journey to get here and my sincerest prayers go out to you.

Time, Oh There You Are

I've almost completed my first official week of unemployment and it has been great. One of my biggest concerns was being bored. Good news, I have been way to busy to get bored... but busy in a good way this time.

I've spent a lot a great time with my best friend Kelsey who stays home with her baby, Harrison. We've been working on craft projects for his first birthday which is only in a couple of weeks! (I can't believe he is almost one! Where does time go!) I know if I were working I wouldn't have the availability to help her this much so that has been a blessing.

Also, with the interest rates as low as they are, Jeff and I are undergoing the process of refinancing our house. (It is amazing how much money you can save by dropping your interest rate down even the slightest!) So, not working has afforded me the time to deal with this process and get all the paperwork together. And part of the process is having an appraiser come appraise your house so 1) my house has to be very clean and 2) someone has to be home for him to come do it. Both things I can do now!

I feel like God has been confirming to me that quitting was the right decision. I know He is doing amazing things right now and I am so thankful to Him!

Groupies

Today is an exciting day.

Jeff and I were Navigators (aka facilitators) of a small group for our church for about a year and a half. It was an amazing experience. We got to witness some of our closest friends' spiritual growth first hand all the while growing ourselves. However, as hard as we tried to grow our group, things just didn't work out. We had couples join and never attend as well as attend and then move out of state (miss you guys btw). It was like God was trying to tell us to take a break but it took us a while to hear. Our group eventually naturally came to an end (and considering the average group lasts 18 to 24 months, this made sense). As much as we loved our group, Jeff and I felt some sense of relief. We needed a fresh start... and we needed a break.

And as perfect timing (God's timing) would have it, some wonderful new friends were planning on starting a new group. When we were invited to be a part of this new group, Jeff and I were thrilled about the opportunity. You see both Amy and Michael went to seminary and both work for our church. They both have incredible knowledge and live for Christ... not to mention they are some of the most loving and lovable people I know. 

So we accepted the invitation. We decided it would be an amazing opportunity for us to sit back and learn from others much wiser than ourselves. With different things going on, it was unanimously determined that group would start the second week of November. Jeff and I welcomed the break, and it was nice. But I miss small group!

So here we are! The second week in November! And our first meeting with our new group is tonight! I am overjoyed! Can't wait to get to know my fellow groupies better!

Fresh Start

I walk into his office, hands shaking, voice cracking, "I'm turning in my notice."

Okay, so maybe that is a bit of a dramatic introduction, but it was an intense moment and a difficult decision. I gave my two weeks on Monday. For those that don't know, I work in the public accounting world as an auditor for a CPA firm. It is a very stressful and busy job that requires travel and long hours.

I am a very driven person with a lot of ambition so being successful in my career feels good, but honestly, from a very young age I knew my ultimate goal was to stay home with my kids. (My mom stayed home until I was in junior high and I really appreciated it.) That's why, when I graduated college and took this job, Jeff and I did not adjust to the income increase but rather paid off debt and saved so that when the time came, I would be able to stay home.

Since things haven't gone according to "our plans," I don't have kids yet and thus I don't really feel like I have a good reason to stay home. However, with all the health issues I've had, along with some personal issues, Jeff and I have decided it's time for me to take a break. My plans... well, we'll see. A full-time job is pretty much out of the question. For the time being, I'm hoping to fill my days serving my church and my husband, and lots of Kelsey (and baby H) time :)

This will be a huge change. With the way society places so much emphasis on money and career success, I feel torn about my decision, even though I know it will be what's best for my health, my marriage, and my spiritual growth. I fear change and feeling unimportant. But my job does not define me. Being a follower of Christ does. So here's to a fresh start!

Spooktacular Birthday Bash

This year was my second annual Halloween/birthday party. I hosted it along with my friends Kelsey and Lindsay. (Which, btw, thank you ladies so much!) It was a blast!

Kelsey and I went as twins (shocking!)... Minnesota Twins. Jeff was Dwight Schrute from The Office and our friend, Robbie, was Cousin Mose. (Pretty hilarious!) We had some great costumes this year... well, you'll see! Watch the slide show below!


There was tons of yummy food, games (ladder ball & ping-pong), and of course dancing! We had a costume contest... Brigid won favorite costume as Pippy Longstockings and Tony won most outrageous costume as Richard Simmons! (Not sure how he's going to top that for next year!)

Sunday was my actual birthday (literally on Halloween) so we went to church and then Robbie took us out to lunch at my all time favorite restaurant, Carrabba's! (Mmmm) Afterward, we crashed from lack of sleep and then (when we finally woke up) we went to my parents for birthday dinner. My parents had made my favorite meal, shish kabobs (plus potato salad, deviled eggs, beans, and crescent rolls). We ended the night with some Wii karaoke and cheesecake for dessert! What a great end to birthday month!